food for thought

Let me begin by introducing myself. Or maybe not, because this content is too risky to associate with my unscathed name. Regardless, I am a perpetually single, 20something girl with more than a few bad habits. I still haven't decided whether any of these repetitive tendencies have anything to do with my ever-single nature, but my sources of "guidance" are leaning in that direction. My life is a vicious cycle of drink, party, sex, sleep, eat, sleep, repeat.

So lately, I have been having self-control issues, both in the kitchen and in the bedroom. Overeating and being overeaten are pleasures too tempting to resist without some mechanism of deterrence, so I have devised an infallible plan. After bar hopping my way into the bed of a handsome stranger I discovered a piece of wisdom that I feel it is my duty to impart onto you: full sex is not good sex. As I myself am lacking the good judgment to take my sorry drunk ass home alone once in a while, I have decided to hit the hamburgers before I hit the hay. I feel my least attractive after having just finished a grease laden meal, and have thus decided to inhibit my animalistic desires with my self-consciousness.

I am constitutionally unable to expose my naked body unless I feel like a goddess. Going out with unshaven legs used to be enough preclusion to save myself from a tragic morning after, but eventually I discovered that men will compromise hairy for horny. So henceforth, I will be controlling my womanhood by feeding my ever hungry stomach. And if that leaves me with an ever empty vagina, so be it. at least it won't be itchy.